On October 15, 2004 my son Jaxson was diagnosed with Autism. He was just 2.5 years old. That day the world truly changed from color to black and white. After crying for 2 weeks and feeling sorry for myself I got out of bed and started to research.
Research Leads To The Son-Rises Program
I found a program called “Son-Rise” and I was booked on a flight to head to Massachusetts 5 weeks later. I turned 28 years old the week I went to Son-Rise. I was just a kid trying to figure this all out and so scared.
My son didn’t look or talk. He cried for hours a day in stomach pain and I remember holding him in my arms and rocking him, as it was the only way to help him. I would stand for so many hours my knees would actually buckle. When he wasn’t in pain he was completely in his own world: lining up objects, stimming all day, and it felt like he never slept.
Son-Rises on Hope
I went to this program and came home with tools on how to enter is world. It was life changing for me. It changed my attitude and perspective on what was possible. Crazy to read what my 28 year old self wrote. I still remember writing this letter crying so hard I could barely see the paper (the original letter was handwritten) and the tears were soaking the paper.
What a journey this has been. Jaxson has come so far! He is still my teacher and I still learn daily! I will never give up! Just last night he read to me 80% of two books all by himself! They are 1st grade level however, this was a kid they said it was never possible! He amazes me every day! I so love this boy! I am honored to be his Mommie.
Letter From Mommie
From the minute I met you (the day you were born), I loved you. You mean so much to me. I can remember the first day you were born, and you were lying on my chest, and you squeezed my finger, I knew then you loved me, too.
You have taught me so much about unconditional love. I love you more and more each day. You teach me patience and to appreciate the little t
hings. If you never change a thing about you, and you are the same as yesterday as you are tomorrow, I will be the luckiest mom in the world. All I ever need is to see your beautiful smile and those big brown eyes, and as long as you are happy, I will be, too.
I can’t imagine a world without you, and if the dreams that we have don’t come true, then you and I will make new dreams up together.
I have never loved another as much as I love you. I love you, Jaxson, I wish there were more words to describe “I love you” because those words don’t seem like enough.
We are embarking on a journey, and you are my teacher. I don’t know everything the future holds, but I do know for certain, without a doubt, that one thing will always be the same: I will always love you. Thank you for being you and choosing me as your mom.
Take my hand, and teach me, and if you can’t do that, then maybe let me walk beside you, and if you can’t do that, then I will follow you and learn by you. Thank you, my son. I love you.
Kristin Selby Gonzalez